Tremendously Intense Erotic Situations

Where the Elite Meet to Beat

TIES Munch FAQ

(Frequently Asked Questions List)

(Updated 9/01/03)

Q: What does pansexual mean?
A: Without regard for sexual identity or orientation - basically, when we say that TIES is a pansexual organization, that means that nobody here is going to have a problem with the shape of your wabbly bits, or the shape of the wabbly bits you like to play with. If someone does have an issue with gay, lesbian, bi, poly, straight, monogamy, or any other orientation, they're okay, too - but they'd best not make their issue anyone else's problem.

Q: What the dress code for a TIES Munch?
A: It's gotta be street-legal. Beyond that, we just prefer good taste, but nothing legal is barred. If you can walk through any other bar wearing that outfit (as you have to walk through a bar to get to the Munch), then it's okay. If you want to wear something really borderline, there are rest rooms downstairs to change in, and that's okay too. (Hint: MW really likes borderline costumes. but he does dislike problems.)

Q: What is the expected behavior for submissives at a TIES event?
A: Any submissive is expected to treat everyone else with common courtesy. Of course, all dominants and switches are expected to treat everyone else the same way, so there's no behavior expected of any orientation that's not expected of everyone, regardless of orientation. Submissives are not expected to call every dominant Sir or Ma'am, nor may dominants expect any submissive to jump to their bidding just because they're a submissive. On the other hand, any submissive imposing their submission on a dominant without their negotiation is likely to be snickered at, too.

Q: How do I find someone to play with?
A: Meet the other people at the Munch, and act friendly. You may even make some friends. Friends are better than play partners, because one friend can turn you on to dozens of potential partners, but partners rarely turn you on to dozens of friends. (Trust me - it sounds silly, but it works.)

Q: What if someone is making me uncomfortable at any TIES event?
A: That sort of depends on what is making you uncomfortable. If you're unhappy with the way that Robin is consensually treating Chris, it's really none of your business, and your discomfort is something for you to get over. If, however, someone is inflicting something on you that you don't want, tell them to stop, clearly. If telling them clearly doesn't work, please bring the situation to the attention of one of the TIES officers (MW or Storybabe) as soon as humanly possible - interrupt us if necessary. We need to know about this sort of thing, and deal with it as soon as possible. When we can identify and deal with the offending party, it is much easier for us to keep the Munch safe for everyone. Look soon for official TIES greeters - they'll be wearing special name tags, and will have the same authority in such matters as any TIES officer. (Hint: we're looking for volunteers for greeters as you read this.)
(Heloise's Hint #36 - Heavy cruising is likely to make folks uncomfortable. Not everyone is there to find playpartners. Pressure tactics are a no no.)

Q: Are single men/women/dominants/submissives allowed at the TIES Munch?
A: Of course - personally, I consider TIES events to be wonderful opportunity to meet prospective partners. Of course, they're great opportunities to offend potential partners too, so show some restraint and class - just as you would at any singles event. Oh, yeah - remember that not everyone in TIES is monogamous - just because they're partnered doesn't necessarily mean then unavailable, but tact is especially important when finding out about this.

Q: How do I find out if an available dominant/submissive is interested in me?
A: Ask them. Keep in mind that some folks are monogamously partnered even if their partner isn't at this Munch, and that some simply won't be interested in you (hell, some folks aren't even interested in me! - MW), and take "no" as an answer gracefully.
(Heloise's hint #87 - if you find some "other" common ground before "I wanna jump your bones", it helps a lot in almost all cases )

Q: How do I become a TIES Member?
A: Grab a TIES brochure, fill in the application, and hand it with the fee to a TIES officer. Easy enough?

Q: Why should I become a TIES Member?
A: Grab a TIES brochure, and read the list of members' benefits. If the benefits don't interest you, then you can probably live happily without becoming a TIES member - we don't expect everyone to buy a membership, not by a long shot.
(Note: while the newsletter and playparties are in hiatus, we don't recommend that anyone become a member - let MW get back up to speed, first.)

Q: How Do I get into the other TIES Events?
A: That depends on the event. For Dom(me)'s Domain and SubSpace, ask any TIES officer (or ToySlut for DD or Julie for SS), and they'll be able to tell you where the discussion groups meet. For the Munch - show up. For the PlayParties, you need to be at the Munch when they're announced - usually in January, April, July, and October. Then, line up and RSVP when they're announced. They're getting so popular that we're going to start to have to give precedence to members but not being a member will not bar you from attending a party - it'll just put you toward the end of the list of attendees.
(Note: The playparties are on hiatus while we search for a better venue - but soon!)

Q: What if I want to go to gatherings more than once a month?
A: One a the purposes of the Munch is for folks to socialize and arrange times to get together with others that they've connected with at the Munch. So if you meet a few folks you want see more often, arrange it! If you want to arrange an open gathering for people outside of the TIES schedule, more power to you - let us know, and we'll be happy to help you spread the word about it.

Q: Can I bring toys to show off at the Munch?
A: Sure. Just make sure to show them off to the TIES officers, too - we love checking out new toys.

Q: Can I bring toys to play with at the Munch?
A: A discreet demo/test of a toy is okay. Scening is discouraged at the Munch, since it is supposed to be a non-play event. We relax about this after about 11:00 pm (when TIES leaves the building), but until then, there are likely to be people who don't want to be around someone else's scene there, and we must maintain their safety, too.

Q: Can I do light play at the Munch?
A: Depends on your definition of light play - having your submissive serve you a drink on thier knees is fine. SM scenes, whether play or punishment, are discouraged - we don't want to go back on our promise of a safe place for the people who come just to socialize, not watch active play.

Q: Can I bring goods for sale to the Munch?
A: Bringing your brochure, newsletter, catalog, card, or whatever to be placed at the welcome desk is just fine. Arranging to meet a customer at the Munch is just fine, too. Bringing goods for general display is also okay, but we prefer that you use the vendors tables. (Vendors are allowed in 15 minutes early (7:15) for setup)

Q: I'm a professional (Dominant, toymaker, insurance salesperson, etc.) - can I cruise for clients at the Munch?
A: The Munch is a social event. If someone asks what you do, go ahead and tell them, but please don't treat the Munch as a captive audience just waiting for your particular brand of expertise. Personally, I consider cruising social events for professional clients to be tacky and un-professional. On the other hand, vendor space and materials on the welcome desk are just fine - that's what they're there for.
Please note: TIES does not endorse any product or service offered by anyone else - not even Lugh's Leather, my very own leather biz. If you are thinking of buying something at a Munch, you're responsible for your own decision - TIES isn't a kinky Better Business Bureau.

Q: How do I find a TIES officer in case of a problem?
A: Look for the people wearing the pre-printed TIES nametags or t-shirts. They will be Midnight (Dan) Writer, Storybabe, or Beo. Sometime soon, there'll be official TIES greeters, with preprinted nametags, too. If you don't see one, ask around - most people can point us out.

Q: Is there a screening process for attendance at the Munch?
A: No. However, if someone consistently or grossly misbehaves at a Munch, they may be barred from attendance.

Q: Is there a screening process for attendance at other TIES events?
A: Yes, but it's pretty casual. The Munch is our main method for screening for the other TIES events. If you attend a Munch and mind your manners (nobody complains about you - formally or informally (and we don't see problems with your behavior), you've passed all of the screening that we can do. Of course, if we do hear about legitimate problems with you, then you are at risk of being barred from other TIES events until the problems are resolved, and if they're serious enough, banned from all TIES events - forever. (Refusal to take "no" for an answer, violation of clearly-stated boundaries, and breaching confidentiality are the most common methods of being barred from TIES events.)

Q: Are there any non-TIES events?
A: Yes there are, and asking around at the Munch or looking for literature at the welcome desk two good ways of finding out about them. The best way is to pay attention during the Announcements at the Munch - they usually start at 8:30. If you're a member of another group, you're certainly welcome to pass out literature and invite people to events during the announcements - just line up to the left of MW when they begin.

Q: I'm in the closet - what are the rules of confidentiality at the Munch?
A: While we have no way of preventing your boss, coworker, or neighbor from showing up at a Munch, we can and have barred people for breaching confidentiality. If you see someone elsewhere that you saw at a Munch, causing them any embarrassment by broadcasting their interest in BDSM to anyone else (even the counterperson at the Burger King you see them at) is a sure-fire way to get yourself barred from future TIES events, and generally shunned by the whole community. MW is pretty proactive about this, so be as cautious about others' confidentiality as you are about your own (or your money, if you're fully out of the leather closet).

Q: What information was I almost certain to be unaware of?
A: Dan (Midnight Writer, or MW)'s middle name is James. Not that you care, but we want everyone to read this whole thing.

Q: Are there any Standards for behavior at the TlES Munch?
A: Several. I'd have hoped that they'd be common sense, but I hear that the phrase "common sense" is an oxymoron.
There is a designated smoking area (at the rear of the room, away from the entrance). Please keep your lit cigarettes in that area. Also, please use the many ashtrays provided. People putting cigarettes out on the floor make the whole community look bad, and Da Moose does not need a poor opinion of us.
The waitstaff are quite friendly and good to us. Please treat them well - listen for your name / food order to be called, tip well for good service, and try to make serving us as pleasant and easy for them as you can.
Treat the facilities and others' property as you'd like your own to be treated. (Treat your own as you see fit, of course.) Touching someone else's ANYTHING without permission is a very bad idea - even for something as simple as looking at a flogger or hugging someone. The leather community must be highly aware of consent issues to survive at all - ignoring such issues at a social gathering may well make it your last such gathering.